2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
bring money and cleavage
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.