apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I could make wine with my vomit
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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