remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits