capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
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i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is