she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
