would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.