Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The best revenge is premature balding
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win