i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
