i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My butt remains clenched, sir.