Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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