I'm lost and stupid without you.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
