k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
