oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i dont even know how to be here
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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