Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
