you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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