I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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