My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
