i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
