a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
50% drunk capacity currently
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
