I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
