this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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