where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
