The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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