The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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