he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my being single is dangerous.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
