Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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