it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
