I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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