woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
