I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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