I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
