Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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