That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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