We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
