Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
