That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
