Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
