i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
