My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
