remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
