So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He? As in you personified your dick?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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