I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
