i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
