Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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