Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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