Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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