Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
