apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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