yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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