Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
