I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Operation Purity has been aborted
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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