3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
