He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
