Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
