Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
