can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
