i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
