I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
