WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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