Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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