i would punch a child for taco bell
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
