i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
