Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
