this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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