Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
