i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
