I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
