Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I could make wine with my vomit
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
