Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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