"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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