Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
