He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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