everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
