I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
