I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
