the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
