I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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