good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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