I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize